Eating Out

So last night I went out to eat for first time since I began to seriously focus on getting healthy. And it was one of the hardest thing I've ever done, and here's why. I was going out with my best friend and her parents, whom I love dearly, and when I got there they said the worst words I could imagine: We're going to Chili's! Chili's and Chevy's and Denny's are on my "I'm not going there ever again if I could help it" list. I do not have the will power to turn down my favorite meals, to turn down chips and salsa, to not get sad that I will probably never have the white chocolate lava cake at Chili's. But I can't have these things. I can't let myself be near them. So I did something that took every piece of strength I had. I asked if we could go somewhere else.
If it hadn't been for the fact that these people have been truly caring and supportive of me, I wouldn't have had the strength to do it, but I had to do it for myself. It was the best thing for me. And they were so supportive, and it wasn't a big deal to them at all, but man did it give me issues. But I did it. And we went to Islands, which has a meal I know I can have and thoroughly enjoy. The Chicken wrap with bacon and cheese, but mostly lettuce. I got it with the sauce on the side, and I used very little of it, and I ate a french fry and got the rest off my plate and I had one onion ring, which was delicious, and I only needed the one. And I only had half. It wasn't so bad. I survived my first "outing".
And I lost 3.4 lbs this week. Honestly, I was .2 away from 40 lbs lost, but I called it anyway. It was close enough, and I wanted to go ahead and call it. I'm also 3.6 lbs away from 250 lbs. I have 9 days until my birthday. It would be ridiculously difficult, but I could come so close to my unrealistic goal that it makes me want to cry.
The problem is, today I did really well, and then I had a binge night. And I'm so frustrated by it. My dinner (the second half of my wrap) wasn't nearly as good tonight, and I ate some fat free sour cream and onion pringles. But I wanted more. So I put them away and went foraging for something a little more substantial in Rob's fridge... and found the remains of my Ben and Jerries in the freezer. There was maybe a 1/4 cup left, and it tasted soo good. But then I wanted more salt. And instead of getting out the chips again, I had literally a little salt. And then I was just hanging out in the kitchen, wanting more food. So I grabbed some tea and I went upstairs.
I feel bad for leaving my dog downstairs, but I had to get away from temptation. So now I'm writing this blog. And I'm looking at what I ate and I'm realizing that as long as I can keep from eating anything else, I actually got through my binge relatively unscathed.
Now to keep it going. The success, not the binge :D