I can't believe that I'm already done with week 2 of my couch to five k. It's only 9 weeks long, although there are two supplementals. I have no idea what they entail, but hey. I finished. And that's what is important. When I think about how shasty I felt at the end of the first day of week two, and today I was going even longer than he was telling me, because I could. I thought I would have to do week two twice, but I'm ready to see what week three holds. I'm not going to slow down until I have to.
I've been struggling with food though. That stupid stofers lasagna had me up two pounds. I was back down one this morning, and I wanted to be back into the 250's tomorrow, but then I missed today. I was doing well all day and I had an egg and a peanut butter and honey sandwich. But then I had popcorn. I had a smartones bag of the 98% fat free or what ever, but I put some white cheddar salt on it. And I burned the crap out of it, so it didn't even taste good. And what I had really wanted was a little salt and then a little sweet. So I was craaaaaving ice cream or cookies. And I knew it would only get worse. I allowed myself one oreo and a half a glass of milk. And it was good. But I realized before my popcorn, that I was afraid to eat. I was afraid to eat anything that wasn't a nut or fruit or a vegetable. I feel so guilty about my diet popcorn and my fricking oreo. And I'm terrified of what it's going to say on the scale tomorrow. I'm working so hard, with my running and my diet. And yet I'm petrified because of a small bag of popcorn and an oreo. What the hell?
It's not how I want to live my life. Yet, I don't know how to do anything else. I can't start giving in or else it will avalanche. I need to find some sort of balance. Or at least to find a way to let go of the fear.
Hey. I'm finding my balance by using WW and the Eat This books as a guide. The choices we have at the market are SOOOO varied that I'm actually really grateful to have a guide. I'll post something about the book later.
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