new habits

I'm stressed. I was up from 3 am to 5 am this morning with cramps, so I got a total of 5 hours of sleep, and none of it was continuous. I was up at 7:45 and at work by 8:30. I then left there at 4:30 to go teach at 5:30 until 7:30. I'm exhausted, I'm pms-ing... and did I mention my mom is having major back surgery tomorrow? And that I wont get to see her for over two weeks? I'm stressed and I'm freaking out.
But I didn't want to undo all of my effort. I'm hungry, but I'm afraid to eat. So far today I had a honey bran muffin, a peach latte, raspberry greek yogurt, a string cheese, and a 6 in turkey and cheese on wheat sandwich from subway. Huh. Other than the latte, I guess I really didn't eat that much today. I think that I had psyched myself out, thought that I had eaten a lot of food. But, it's also almost 10, and there's really no reason to eat, I hate eating right before bed, it makes it a lot harder to go to sleep.
Anyway, what I was trying to say is that usually, when I'm stressed, I eat. When I'm pms-ing, it's like a free pass to eat chocolate and sodium filled soup. But today I wanted to run. I wanted to take my stress and exercise it off. And I didn't have the time. It was way dark by the time I got home. So I wouldn't eat. I couldn't exercise. I needed something else to do. So I took a medium long, hot shower. Good for the cramps, good for the stress. I'm now sitting here, typing away with a coconut candle as my only light, the warm light is comforting and hopefully soothing. It's a good step toward changing my habits. Making it so that food is not the automatic response to any of my emotions.

Greek yogurt

Today's eating:
Breakfast : bowl of special k with 2% milk
Lunch : Hard boiled egg, 1/2 cup of pistachios, string cheese, two cuties and two oreos
Pre run snack : Hard boiled egg
Dinner : 1 cup of ground turkey cooked with onion and garlic, a bit of parm cheese, green onion and zucchini, and 6 oz of Pineapple yogurt from chobani. I really don't like yogurt, I don't like the consistency, but greek yogurt? I had no idea how much better it was! Everyone always says it's tarter, but no one said the consistency was so much different! It's yummy, and full of protein. And except for my breakfast, I had a bread free day.
I also did my week one, day two run. I didn't push myself too fast on the first jog and it made all the difference. On the other hand, I didn't stretch first, and that made a huge difference. I need to make sure that I always stretch.
I'm ending this day feeling good for my accomplishments. I need to not focus on whether or not I lost weight, just on how far I'm coming physically and mentally.
I actually felt pretty for a minute today.

sigh... of relief

So at the mid week weigh in I had lost 4 pounds. And then slowly I watched it creep back up until I was down a mere pound yesterday. And I was so frustrated. What's the point of working so hard, eating so specifically, if it wasn't going to get me anywhere? Especially the day after my first run, which I felt should have put me down, not up. And I railed. My poor mom had to spend the day listening to me bitch about it while picking at my food.
But then I started to think about it. And I realized that I did Saturday all wrong. After my run, I was running late to work so I grabbed an organic apricot-nut bar. Good. But it wasn't nearly enough to replenish what I had lost. Which would have been fine if I had been able to grab my 6 in turkey and spinach on whole wheat two hours later. But we had a lunch meeting, so I ran to the store and picked up beef jerky and smoked almonds. I needed the salt and the protein, and my options at CVS were very limited. Then Rob and I went for sushi, and at this point I was feeling pretty good about how few calories I had consumed so I decided to give in to a temptation and had a little bit of my ice cream. Which in honest hindsight, probably wasn't so little. So maybe it wasn't so much about being frustrated as being lame.
Yesterday wasn't so bad, I had breakfast and lunch with my mom at Ihop, which you would think would be disastrous, but my breakfast of turkey bacon, scrambled egg sub (which I actually prefer) and five silver dollar buttermilk pancakes was 210 calories. My lunch was spinach salad with grilled chicken, bacon (which I wish I had thought to ask for turkey bacon) an egg and I had cheese on the side. It was good though. And cause breakfast was late, and lunch was at like 3, I didn't even eat dinner. I didn't even snack when I got home.
And this morning, I saw a beautiful thing: 263.4. I lost 3.4 lbs this week. It's a great start toward my 16 in 40. I needed 2.9 a week. It's gonna be good

Day one

Today I started my journey toward running a 5k. For the most part, I did great; and that's what I'll be telling everybody. But I need a place to be completely honest, and since Julia is the only one that reads this blog, and I feel Julia wont judge me, this is going to be that place.

Today started out rough. I have a hard enough time getting up early when I have to get to work, let alone on a freaking Saturday, but I needed to. I needed to do this for myself, and this was the only time today that I knew that I was going to have time. So I got up, I stretched, and I loaded my ipod with the training program and away I went.

It started with a 5 minute brisk walk. Easy! Then a two minute jog, not too bad. And then I threw up a little. What?! But I kept going. I did the other 3 jogs and finished with the five minute brisk walk. I was tired. But I did it. And I'm a little worried about my knee, it started to hurt. But I'm going to keep going. Day one, week one, check. Monday, will be day two. Tomorrow I'm going to go for a long walk. I need to get my stamina up. My muscles didn't even get the chance to get sore, my breathing always got in the way. Change is comin'.

The big decision

So, I've decided that I'm definitely going to start training for the 5k in July. I normally would never buy things before I've proven that I am actually going to do it, but this time I couldn't. More than that, I spent more than I ever have for weight management, and more money in one swoop than I have in years. It was a really hard decision, but I had to do it. I needed better shoes or I was going to stop before I even really began. I needed a decent sport's bra because the ones I have give me massive back and head aches and without them I'm in pain. I needed better socks because the ones I have now give me water blisters with even every day use. So I spent 200 dollars. I didn't hint to my parents that I wanted help, I just spent it. And it makes me even more determined to use them.
I can't back out now. For one, I need to do this for myself. I feel very determined. For two, if I waste this money, I will never forgive myself. So here is the plan. I'm going to start the couch to 5k program. But I know that I'm going to take longer to do it than the program is for. So I'm giving myself 18 weeks, two weeks for each week's program. I'm going to keep doing my best to eat healthy. BUT WAIT, There's More!
I'm also going to start putting together self-motivators. I'm going to make a running list of why I want to lose weight and get healthier. I'm going to make lists of what I'm going to do and what I'm hoping to stop doing. I'm going to read something positive and educational about healthy living as often as I can (I was going to say everyday, but that seemed like I was setting myself up to fail). That being said, I'm just going to keep myself motivated for as long as I can. And when I can't motivate myself any longer, I'll turn to others for motivation.
So tomorrow starts the first day of my new journey. No more months with catchy names. This is Kathy to 5k! Here we go.

Huzzah

I know it's only a mid week weighin, but the scale said that I was down four pounds in four days. It's not one week, so I can't celebrate just yet, but I wanted to write it down some where, to be excited about it some where. Now I just have to see if I can maintain my success. The key here is to not be totally devastated at the one week weigh in if the results aren't as great as I want them to be. But for these few minutes... WOOHOO!!

here we go again

So far, my decision to be healthy this week is going really well. Yesterday, I got home and my new roommate hurried me into my work out clothes and off for an hour long, 3 mile walk. A brisk walk. And it was cold. Then, for dinner we had snapper in a potato crust, quinoa, a salad made from the lettuce grown in the garden, and mixed berries for dessert. Already lost a pound! And I was able to eat the snapper, so that's a good start.
There was something kind of awesome about it. I'm not going to expect this kind of thing very often, but it was a great kickstart to the week.
Today work was hell. Instead of wanting to come home to ice cream, I wanted to come home, take a quick walk and eat the rest of my strawberries. I'm calling this progress!

this week's goal

I need to start figuring out what it is that makes me eat. I ate some Stouffer's Mac and cheese tonight, and some chips. Mac and Cheese is my ultimate comfort food, and I have no idea why I felt I needed it. I need to stop and think about why I want to eat before I let myself indulge in things. At the time, it was, I want it, and I don't think I should have to deny myself. But would it really have been so bad if I had had tricolor pasta with some zucchini and a bit of Parmesan cheese instead? No, it would have been just as good and it would have been waaaay better for me calorie and fat wise.
So I need to figure out why I'm so moody.
On the plus side, I finally got myself to start exercising. I did 45 minutes of just moving today, a little walking, some jogging, side stepping, kick backs, got my arms involved with some punches and some lifts. I just tried to keep my heart rate up a bit, got a little sweat on. My goal is that every single day this week, I'm going to work out 30 minutes at least, and I'm going to eat something that earth gave color to. That's the goal of this week. I'm going to make it happen.

settling in

Ok. I've moved. I have a home, a job, great friends and family. I have almost all that I need, and it's time to just calm the frak down. I already lost what I'm calling my depressed weight, the weight that I had gained when I was in such a bad place. But I don't want to stay here, I want to keep going down. I need to keep going down. I want to see 250 before I turn 26. That's my new goal. I'm currently at 266. I have 40 days to lost 16 lbs. There is no reason why I can't do that other than my own hang ups, my own stalls. Today, I wanted to work out, but I didn't feel comfortable working out in the living room, my room is too small, and it was too dark to go for a walk. I needed a gym and so I started looking for one. I found one, but there is no where on the site that says how much a month. I don't know if I will really go, but I need a place to work out. Because it doesn't matter how well I eat, how much I keep myself on track, if I'm not working out, I will not be able to see the results I need to see.
I'm not gonna stress out about it. For the first time in my life, I have nothing I "need" to be working on, nothing I feel bad about not doing when I sit down to watch tv. No homework, no job hunting, no house hunting. For a little while I get to focus on the projects I want to do. So this is going to be my project, figuring out if I can work out on my own or if I need to join something, or if I need to find a buddy or what.
March into Fitness, you are half over, and yet not really begun. It's time to March into Fitness!!!

March into Fitness!

I've been climbing out of my valley, slowly but surely. I have a job, I have a place to live (with a super hot roommate, who's a dolphin trainer for the navy) and I'm back on the weightloss train. I'm down to 264. Turns out stress and very little time make it easy to lose weight. It feels good to be on my way back up/ down :D
Now if only I was already moved...

March Mission

So far, March has been really busy. But, I was able to eat well yesterday, so I have some hope. I have decided that my goal for this month is to reduce my cheese intake. I eat too much cheese and too much bread. I think it would be good for me to stretch myself, and also to see if that's part of the reason I can't seem to lose the weight.

I've also decided to make sure that I walk at least 30 minutes every day, either outside or wii fit. Any other exercise is welcome, but the walking is the necessity.