Damn chips

Sometimes I just get really angry with myself. I was really good all day today, after days of being really good and slowly creeping back down. I had a bowl of cereal with some pineapple, a greek yogurt (the yoplait kind is disgusting, fyi), then some almonds for lunch, a 100 calorie cottage cheese and odwalla superfood for snack, and subway sandwich, turkey and spinach on whole wheat with some cheese, for dinner. And then I got home and wanted something relaxing so I grabbed a cider, but that didn't fill the mood so I broke out some Kettle Baked bbq chips, a good snack. If I hadn't eaten the whole package while I was reading my book. I'm so angry that I lost control. And then, as if I lightbulb went off, I realized that all I had really wanted was some water. Most of my cravings can be answered by water, which would be great if I could just remember that.

Tomorrow, my friend Mati is coming to visit. I already have a run planned, so if I can just keep the food healthy....

Two days...

... since my re-determination that I needed to get my diet on track and start working at losing weight again. So far, I think that I have been fairly successful. I have been pretty good at my diet (meaning what I eat, not a weightloss plan) and I have gone running both days. I'm starting to enjoy it again, because I no longer go out to meet an end, I'm just going out to run. I would like to meet my goal, but there is a chance that a 5k is going to be out of realm, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to try!
I've been packing my lunch, I've been planning my meals, and I'm not really making big dinners, I'm just eating enough to get through. After Taco Tuesday, I was up to 154.6. This morning I was back down to 251.6. I'm excited to see what tomorrow brings. And seeing if I can keep good on this weekend of events.

Trying to find the track.

What am I going to do? I can't seem to get my feet back under me. The entire month of May I have struggled with trying to keep on my diet, and I seem to be right back to where I started, start off well and by the end of the day I'm eating whatever I can get my hands on. I'm no longer doing well when I go out. I have such good intentions, but no follow through, which is how I've "dieted" for years. I've been stuck hovering around 250 for a month now. And I'm not happy about it. Last night I went out for taco tuesday. Last time I went I had a small amount of chips and some carnitas, left behind the tortillas. This time I had too many chips, had a large carnitas taco with tortilla and cheese, and a pork tamale. And a margarita. So yeah, I seem to have given up. I know how to do it, I know that I can do it, I just can't seem to actually get it done. I want to weigh 240 by next month. This is June now, I can't afford to continue to slack off. I have goals, I have a plan. Maybe I just need to write them down.

Eat healthier through out the day --> Plan out my meals
Less food, more energy --> More protein, less carbs and sugar
Not to be starving at the end of the day --> pack my lunch
Be in control when going out --> For this I have no plan. Until I do, I will not be going out.

That's the current plan. I guess we will see from there. But I want to do this. I want to run my 5k. I want to lose weight. I don't want to keep living my life in a way where food is more important than my health.