I've been really struggling with keeping on track these last two weeks. I was up four pounds last week, and I only lost 1.4 of them this week. I was so upset at myself that I didn't even write it into my weight log. And I think that was a mistake, one I've now rectified. I have to stop hiding from my failures and start learning from them. So I wrote them down, and now I'm trying to figure out what I can do to get back on track.
1) Write down everything I eat this week.
2) Drink nothing but water (I had gotten side tracked with coffee drinks and strawberry lemonade)
3) Start running again. I kind of lost it last week, I only did day one. It's harder for me to go out because I know how long it's going to take. I can see why others love to run, it is such good alone time, but I have NOTHING but alone time, at work, at home, in the car. I don't like being alone with my thoughts that long, and with jogging it's not like I can take a tv show with me. But tonight I'm going out with my friend for a jog, and I need to remember why I started this. It is the first time I allowed myself to start for a goal I didn't think I cold accomplish, and I'm GOING to accomplish it.
4) Limit my carbs, amp up my protein.
5) Write more in my blog.
I think these are the steps I'm going to take this week to get back on track. Next week, I'll come up with new goals, and the week after that.
So here are the numbers
Current weight :251.6
Weight lost this year : 19.5
Total weight lost : 41.8
New goal 240 by July 17th (my friend's wedding)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
There comes a point...
... when you have to decide if you are going to give up because it is no longer easy, no longer working the way you want it to. And while there is a part of me that does want to give up, that does want to walk away from my running and my diet and just go back to living my life of food that is greasy and delicious and not worry about, not think about it, there is a bigger part of me that remembers why I started this journey in the first place, and refuses to give up now. That's the part of me that realizes that I'm still 250 lbs.
It's weird, because I am no longer seeing the scale drop, but there are so many other indicators that I want to focus on. And it's hard when the scale seems to be laughing in your face to focus on those other indicators. Because of this, I'm going to write them down in the attempt to focus on them just a little bit more.
1) I'm wearing a size 20. It's been years since I could wear a size 20.
2) All of my slacks are way too big.
3) So are my dress shoes (I never even thought of that until it happened)
4) When Rob and I went to get Fro Yo, and we walked back up the hill, I wasn't at all out of breath, where I used to have trouble making it up at all
5) Looking at pictures of myself from last year, there's a huge difference.
That's good for right now. It's time to get back into it. I was off my thyroid for a little bit and it screwed up my sleep, my focus, and most importantly my ability to say no to food. But now I'm back on and working at getting my good habits back.
I'm also realizing that one of the reasons I'm not losing weight anymore might be because I've loosened my restriction of carbs. I started off on a mostly veggie/fruit/protein diet, and I've been adding carbs in and I need to kick them back out. I also need to start being wary of my sugar intake. It's time to start focusing on things other than just calorie intake. I need to start planning my meals again. I need to start working on it again, truly.
I've also decided that I'm going to start doing more exercise than just my running. I've started to weights with my arms, and I'm going to start doing yoga again, and just keep walking/jogging.
I'm not starting over, I'm not beginning again, I'm not continuing on. I'm just living the life I want rather than the life I have.
It's weird, because I am no longer seeing the scale drop, but there are so many other indicators that I want to focus on. And it's hard when the scale seems to be laughing in your face to focus on those other indicators. Because of this, I'm going to write them down in the attempt to focus on them just a little bit more.
1) I'm wearing a size 20. It's been years since I could wear a size 20.
2) All of my slacks are way too big.
3) So are my dress shoes (I never even thought of that until it happened)
4) When Rob and I went to get Fro Yo, and we walked back up the hill, I wasn't at all out of breath, where I used to have trouble making it up at all
5) Looking at pictures of myself from last year, there's a huge difference.
That's good for right now. It's time to get back into it. I was off my thyroid for a little bit and it screwed up my sleep, my focus, and most importantly my ability to say no to food. But now I'm back on and working at getting my good habits back.
I'm also realizing that one of the reasons I'm not losing weight anymore might be because I've loosened my restriction of carbs. I started off on a mostly veggie/fruit/protein diet, and I've been adding carbs in and I need to kick them back out. I also need to start being wary of my sugar intake. It's time to start focusing on things other than just calorie intake. I need to start planning my meals again. I need to start working on it again, truly.
I've also decided that I'm going to start doing more exercise than just my running. I've started to weights with my arms, and I'm going to start doing yoga again, and just keep walking/jogging.
I'm not starting over, I'm not beginning again, I'm not continuing on. I'm just living the life I want rather than the life I have.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Results
I hate when I get super worried and frustrated for no reason! Here are the results of the week!
Current weight: 249.8!!!
Lost this week: 5.2 (because I was up from the weekend at last weigh-in)
Lost this year: 21.3
Lost total: 43.6.
Oh yeah, this is just what I needed to keep myself motivated!!
Current weight: 249.8!!!
Lost this week: 5.2 (because I was up from the weekend at last weigh-in)
Lost this year: 21.3
Lost total: 43.6.
Oh yeah, this is just what I needed to keep myself motivated!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Hard day
Today, as the heading says, was a realy hard day. I woke up to some fairly awful news from someone I love, the weather was morbidly cloudy without the blissful release of rain, and I was alone for the third day in a row, which is never a good idea for me, especially on Mother's day, when I feel I should have been in LA.
All of this was to say that today I was a bit depressed. And today was an eating day. It wasn't too bad, I kept myself fairly regulated, snacking on things that were fairly healthy and took a long time to eat, but I still ate more today than I should have. And I want more. Fairly desperately actually. I'm afraid if I let myself have that bowl of cereal I'm craving, I'm just going to move on to craving something else that it will be a never ending chain.
And it makes me think. Am I eating because today was reminiscent of much darker days, where I took solace in food? Is today such a foul day because I was eating, or was I eating because it was such a foul day. I went for my run today, does that allow for me to eat more without feeling guilty?
I think at this point I need to recognize the fact that I eat the most when I'm feeling very, very alone. And I also need to aknowledge that I will forever be alone if I can't find a way to not eat.
All of this was to say that today I was a bit depressed. And today was an eating day. It wasn't too bad, I kept myself fairly regulated, snacking on things that were fairly healthy and took a long time to eat, but I still ate more today than I should have. And I want more. Fairly desperately actually. I'm afraid if I let myself have that bowl of cereal I'm craving, I'm just going to move on to craving something else that it will be a never ending chain.
And it makes me think. Am I eating because today was reminiscent of much darker days, where I took solace in food? Is today such a foul day because I was eating, or was I eating because it was such a foul day. I went for my run today, does that allow for me to eat more without feeling guilty?
I think at this point I need to recognize the fact that I eat the most when I'm feeling very, very alone. And I also need to aknowledge that I will forever be alone if I can't find a way to not eat.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
just keep running
I lost all of the birthday weight: YAY!
But I haven't lost anything since. Boo. Now, I know that I have some how managed to lose four lbs in 4 days, but I'm impatient.
However, I know that I'm still making progress, because I know that my running has vastly improved. I found out yesterday that in 4 minutes I run (jog) 1/4 of a mile. So in the time that my podcast runs, it means I'm moving for two miles in 35 minutes. My goal is to run (jog) 3.1 miles in 45 minutes. I actually think I might make it!! Not only that, but I feel good when I do so. I'm not ever horribly out of breath. My legs hold me back, but even they are getting stronger every day. I'm excited about my progress, and I've made plans to run (jog) my first mile full blown at the end of this month. My friend Nate is going to run it with me. We are going to run it in my own neighborhood, the same mile where I first tried to run in 2009 and found that after a mere block I was almost dead from no air, I'd pulled my knee and I'd hurt my shoulder pretty bad. It's going to feel so incredibly good to be able to run the whole mile in the same place I had failed so miserably only two years ago.
I'm having some trouble keeping my calories in the right zone. I have been scarily under calorie a couple of days this week, and other days I've really close to going horribly over. But I have a great app that is keeping me honest, as well as keeping me aware of just what I'm eating on any given day.
This wasn't just an April thing. I'm still going. My goal for the month of May is to lose 10 lbs.
Started this month at: 255 even. Hoping to end it at 245. And I just keep singing to my self, Just keep running, just keep running...
But I haven't lost anything since. Boo. Now, I know that I have some how managed to lose four lbs in 4 days, but I'm impatient.
However, I know that I'm still making progress, because I know that my running has vastly improved. I found out yesterday that in 4 minutes I run (jog) 1/4 of a mile. So in the time that my podcast runs, it means I'm moving for two miles in 35 minutes. My goal is to run (jog) 3.1 miles in 45 minutes. I actually think I might make it!! Not only that, but I feel good when I do so. I'm not ever horribly out of breath. My legs hold me back, but even they are getting stronger every day. I'm excited about my progress, and I've made plans to run (jog) my first mile full blown at the end of this month. My friend Nate is going to run it with me. We are going to run it in my own neighborhood, the same mile where I first tried to run in 2009 and found that after a mere block I was almost dead from no air, I'd pulled my knee and I'd hurt my shoulder pretty bad. It's going to feel so incredibly good to be able to run the whole mile in the same place I had failed so miserably only two years ago.
I'm having some trouble keeping my calories in the right zone. I have been scarily under calorie a couple of days this week, and other days I've really close to going horribly over. But I have a great app that is keeping me honest, as well as keeping me aware of just what I'm eating on any given day.
This wasn't just an April thing. I'm still going. My goal for the month of May is to lose 10 lbs.
Started this month at: 255 even. Hoping to end it at 245. And I just keep singing to my self, Just keep running, just keep running...
Monday, May 2, 2011
Could have been worse indeed
Ok, so I'm actually down this week from last week! I'm still up from where I was in the middle of the week, but then, I had a birthday. And it was epic! And I wasn't too focused on being good. I actually didn't do very badly on my Barney Stinson birthday, but I'd had Denny's the night before and I had Claim Jumper the day after.
So now I'm back on the wagon. Today I'm going to go to work, eat healthy, come back for my run and then off to book club!! It's gonna be a good week. My goal is to be 245 by the end of May. Bring it May!
Current Weight 255
Weight loss 38.4
April loss 8.4
So now I'm back on the wagon. Today I'm going to go to work, eat healthy, come back for my run and then off to book club!! It's gonna be a good week. My goal is to be 245 by the end of May. Bring it May!
Current Weight 255
Weight loss 38.4
April loss 8.4
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