My first wall

The last couple of days have been very interesting. Tuesday night I went out to dinner with some friends, where I refused to "diet" so I got a bacon cheeseburger and some fries and then I ended up drinking a few drinks, so I was pretty sure I would be up, but I was actually down! Turns out dancing for four hours can cancel out almost everything.

Then yesterday, because of the late night, I slept in and had to get ready for work. After work, I had some errands to do and pretty soon it was 8 o'clock and I still hadn't worked out, which was not good. I was so tempted to skip it, but I knew that would be a slippery slope, so I made myself do it. But now, the next morning, I don't wanna! I know I need to. But I don't want to get out of bed. I have lots to do today, so I must get going, but I don't wanna! So, instead, I'm going to let myself relax for an hour, and then I'm going to get to work! Today will be day 12 of my December Blitz (which has officially be dubbed a cool name by my friends) and I will not let it fall. For once, I'm going to actually accomplish something I've set out to do for myself, instead of allowing myself to back out because it wont effect anyone else. Not this time, evil me!

So, while I sit here, getting motivated, I'm going to write a list of the things I want to accomplish today, and then I will do them. Easy as pie. Right? Right!

Re-Motivated!

After yesterday's rather frustrating weigh in, I got a ton of support. My dad said that he was proud that I was sticking to it and that two pounds a week is still a head of the game. My mom reminded me that our bodies adjust and that at two pounds a week I would get awfully close to my goal. My best friend said to just keep going, it's only been a week nerd. So there I was, trying to figure out what was next, and the answer is: pizza!
Confused? Let me explain. I went to the grocery store to buy some Lean Cuisine or SmartOne's dinners, but it's hard for me because I'm allergic to tomatoes and they are in almost everything. And, let's face it, they aren't always the most appetizing things. But, they do have one thing that I not only can tolerate, but actually enjoy. Pizza. Lots of different types of pizza. So I bought 6 pizzas of different flavors and I now have my dinners planned for the week. This obviously wont work for the long haul, that would be way too much pizza and I'm not in college any more. But for this week, it is on!
Not only that, but at this morning's non-official weigh in, I was down to 274.8! Another 3 pounds down for a total of five. That was the kind of weight loss I was looking for in my first week. It's amazing the difference not eating a bunch of salt can make. And it feels good to know that my treat yesterday of a large, white peppermint bark blended coffee didn't set me back too far. And it was a treat, which made me feel like I was doing okay. I think this week is going to be a good one. Productive. Bring it on Monday, I'm ready for you!

frustration

So it is the end of the week and I have lost 2 lbs. There is a part of me that knows that 2 lbs is a good start, but I can't help but be disappointed. I worked so hard. I exercised every day, I tried so hard to eat well. And yet, I didn't get very far. I guess I have to step up my game. It's time to start EA active-ing in with my WiiFit-ing. And I'm also going to start Lean Cuisine-ing for dinner. Yeah, I know that is a lot of -ings.

Today, I'm going to get my special coffee drink from It's A Grind. And I'm going to enjoy it. And then I'm going to get to work. I'm also going to stop putting so many add in's to my foot. Cut down on my sugar intake for my oatmeal and my tea. Cut down on my Ranch dressing. Really try to reduce my salt intake and up my water intake. That will be the plan for this week. If that doesn't work, I'm going to have to try something completely different. I just don't have any idea of what that would be.

I need to get out of this defeatest attitude. I'm proud of myself for sticking to my plan this week, I proved that I could do it with very little cheating, and the cheating I did do I was conscious of instead of just blind eating. And I wrote down everything. So now it's one more week. Next Sunday is the family Christmas party, so I want to make a lot of progress before then. After that, the holiday rush begins and dieting is going to be much more difficult. Getting in my exercise and eating right become more of a challenge. So for this week, focus and determination. I can do this.

The next challenge

I've always made it through the first week! Today's challenge: lunch with my coworkers. This challenge has a couple of aspects to it. The most relevant to this blog is the challenge of where: The Panda Buffet. Chinese food is not an easy way to eat healthy. It will be a little easier for me because it isn't hard for me to eat less when I'm around strangers, and let's face it, my coworkers are pretty much strangers. But, usually I just don't eat, which is not going to be possible for me in this situation. We're going for lunch, I have to eat lunch. Plus, I don't want them thinking I'm trying to hold myself apart. I'm actually trying to be a part of the group dynamic, prove I'm a team player. So I have to try to eat healthy at a Chinese restaurant, not my strong suit.

The second challenge is making sure I don't spend too much money. My fear right now is that I'm going to end up paying for part of a tab rather than just my portion. The irony of not being able to pay for a work lunch because work doesn't give me very many hours is teeth grinding. I thought writing it out would help, but really it's just making me worry more. So instead, some pump up talk!

I've been doing great so far with my work outs. I've been sticking with my new dietary plan. I'm heading toward my goal. Tomorrow is the end of the week and Sunday is my day when I get to splurge on one thing. I'm looking forward to it.

Progress!

So after days of slowly inching upward, I'm finally down! 3 lbs from yesterday, a little under 2 from my beginning mark. It's not a weigh in day, so it doesn't officially go on my chart, but it still helps in my motivation to keep going. Especially after yesterday's challenge!

Today I'm focusing on some cardio. I had a dream about running last night and it reminded me about how much I want to be a running. I know WiiFit running isn't actually running, but I'm hoping it will get me to a place where I can start. So here's the plan: WiiFit for 30 minutes, then some breakfast. Then I'm going to walk down to the bank and the grocery store, get some new produce. My mom bought me some shape ups yesterday, so I'm kind of excited to try them. Then, when I get back, I need to work on some paperwork. I'm gonna see how I feel this afternoon and figure out whether or not I want to go for a jog on the treadmill or do an aerobic workout on the Wii. Or maybe, it's time to start the EA active. Choices Choices.

The important thing is to remember that I'm making progress and that the word of the day is CARDIO!

First Challenge

Today's blog is about challenges. So far, I've been in my own little bubble, but today is the first day I have to resist temptation. My mom and I are going shopping, taking care of some holiday gift buying, and we are going out to lunch. Not only that, but there will be things like pretzels and candy and drinks, though I think that will be easier.

But now I've got a bigger issue. It's the fourth day, I've been working super hard, and I was so sure that I was getting somewhere, but instead, I'm up actually up 1.8 lbs. It totally sucks. It's not a good way to start the day. As much as people say that when you first start working out some times you gain before you lose, I was pretty sure I was going to be doing a lot better than this. Now I have to start reevaluating what I'm doing because this is obviously not working. I'm going to take what I've been eating and talk to my mom about it, hopefully she'll have some good insights about what I'm doing wrong.

Until then, the only thing I can do is stick to my schedule for the day and do the best I can to keep on track, do my morning exercises, and get through the week. If it still isn't working by Saturday, than I'll reevaluate and change what I need to. Even if that means eating Lean Cuisine's for dinner every night. Man, I hope I don't get to that point.

Day 3!

So, part of the reason I decided that I had to change, and that now was the time, is that about two weeks ago, I got a surprise in my mailbox. Some one has apparently decided that I needed a subscription to SHAPE magazine. My first instinct was to be insulted. I mean, really? It's like sending someone with bad breath a huge pack of gum. But then, I decided to take it as a helpful suggestion. Someone loves me enough to risk hurting my feelings in order to help save my life. Lets face it. I'm 25 years old and have weighed over 200 lbs since my sophomore year of high school. My health is on the line. So I sat down to read it.

SHAPE magazine is not exactly aimed at me. It's aimed more at women who are slightly overweight and want to lose it, or who are in fairly decent shape who want to tone more. But, there are some recipes in it that are going to be useful and while the exercises are out of my league currently, they give me great ideas. But really, what I got out of it was inspiration. It helped motivate me. By reading about so many women who were eating healthy and exercising made me want to do so too. It's what got me to finally hook up my Wii. I got a second SHAPE and started reading. Then I got a third. Apparently they were trying to catch up, so I now have October through December. And they are keeping me motivated.

The December issue was very useful last night when I started my monthly. Usually, I use this time of the month as an excuse to splurge. But because I've been doing so well (and yes, I know it's only been two days) I didn't want to ruin it. So I grabbed some tea and sat down to read some inspiration.

So it's Day 3. It's going to be a light exercise day, for obvious reasons, but my eating habits are going to stay the same. Pure determination.

I've always been a master of procrastination. One might even call me a procrastination artist. So it comes as no surprise to anyone in my life, including me, that it is December and I am just now getting started on my "new life" with a serious passion. On January 1st, 2010, I realized that I weighed more than ever before and that I felt awful. When I weighed myself, I was absolutely horrified that I was at 294 lbs. More, I was terrified that I was that close to 300 lbs, a weight I had always promised myself that I would never reach. I promised myself that by the end of the year, I would be down to 250, a weight lower than I had been for five years. All I had to do was figure out how.

The first 15 lbs were easy. They weren't really mine, they were holiday weight, pounds I had packed on due to stress and holidays. I was working on my Master's thesis (which I had, surprise!, procrastinated on) and I was using food as a way to allow myself constant breaks. That was the first thing to change. I called up my friend Katie, who was working on her semester of student teaching, and we both decided we needed to start walking. We also decided to get together and work at the local Starbucks. I don't tend to eat as much when I'm around others.

I was doing well until the time period of my thesis came closer and closer, and then I moved. I moved from a place were I was comfortable, with supportive friends and a live in exercise partner, to San Diego, where I knew very few people, was incredibly uncomfortable, and was stressed, not only with trying to finish my thesis but also with trying to find a job in education in the worst job market ever. I was determined that with the new life, I was going to start eating healthier. And I did. I had moved in with my brother who talked me into eating fewer carbs and more vegetables. We were able to talk each other into eating healthier and I now had access to an in home treadmill. I dropped down to 272. And stayed there.

In September, the job that I loved dropped most of my hours, giving me lots and lots of time at home with nothing to do. And then my brother moved away. So for September through November, I sank into what can only be called a depression. I was home alone almost every day. And I ate. I started off eating more, but keeping to the healthier foods, but that didn't last all that long. Soon, I was back to eating the foods that I found comfortable. The irony is, they didn't taste better, they just were emotionally comforting. It was the only way I could feel control, to allow myself to eat the foods my brain was telling me I wanted.

The day before Thanksgiving, I weighed myself. 280. Not too bad, considering how bad my habits had gotten, but not exactly great either. But that left me 30 lbs away from my year end goal with a little over one month to lose it. My procrastination enzyme kicked in and I decided it was time. For this one month, I was going to do things right.

The first thing I did was adjust my goal. I didn't feel I could lost 30 lbs in one month in a healthy way. So I halved it. My new goal is 265 lbs by the end of the year. At my weight, 15 lbs in one month isn't too unattainable.

The next thing I did was finally set up my Wii. This might seem counter-intuitive, but trust me, this was a good thing. By setting up my Wii, I now had 5 ways to get in exercise every day. 1) half an hour on the Wii Fit, which is fun, easy and a very effective way to get back in the game. 2) walking on the treadmill, with one minute bursts of jogging, which is good cardio. 3) a walk around the neighborhood with my dog, low impact but easy to accomplish for those lighter motivation days. 4) just getting up and dancing while I listened to music or watched tv, for those days when I feel very random. 5) EA Active, a very useful work out for the Wii. Now instead of the debate of too exercise or not, it's a debate of just which one am I going to do.

The third thing I did: grocery shop. I ate a little first, it's never smart to go food shopping when you are hungry. Then I wrote out a list. I bought lots of fruits and veggies, both fresh and frozen. But more importantly, I decided that for the month of December, I was going to be very careful about what I was going to eat. Before noon, Oatmeal and fruit. That's it. For lunch, either a wrap or a salad and carrots. For snack, a 100 cal pack of whatever I wanted. Sensible dinner planned out a head of time. For dessert, either a WW dessert or, if I was still hungry, a bowl of Special K cereal, the chocolate kind!

So that's the plan. This blog is to keep my motivated, for my own personal use. I'm not expecting any one to read it. But I figure, why not? Let's see what happens!